Browsing articles in "Humour"
May 9, 2007

Worship THAT!? Never!

The occasionally overwhelming darkness of life can seem to be all encompassing. Depressing beyond belief. Beyond hope. I’m looking at life through those dark filters at the moment. Actually, for quite too long now… It’s not pretty… but I’ve seen uglier, and lived through worse.

They say that god works in mysterious ways…

But something has lifted my spirits, if even just a little bit. I’m here watching the end of a mediocre movie called “Devil’s Advocate”. It’s not all that great. In it, Al Pacino plays Satan in human form… an attorney, no less… And he is giving a belligerent, indignant speech about God, his nemesis. It is this speech that has given my spirits a boost and a grin for the day. A ray of hope and sunshine. Redemption can come in odd, unexpected ways. I’ll take it! I accept!

I hope you enjoy this transcript as much as I enjoy bringing it to your attention:

God? …..Is that it..?


Well, I’ll tell ya… let me give you a little inside information about “god”:

God likes to watch.
He’s a prankster.

Think about it :

He gives man instincts…
He gives you this extraordinary gift…

And then what does he do..? I swear, for his own amusement… his own private cosmic gag reel…

He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time:

Look… but don’t touch…
Touch… but don’t taste…
Taste… but don’t swallow…

Ha ha ha!

And while you’re jumping from one foot to the next, what is he doing?

He’s laughing his sick f cking ass off..!

He’s a tight-ass..!
He’s a SADIST..!
He’s an absentee landlord..!

Worship *THAT* !?!…


Al Pacino as Satan in Devil’s Advocate

Even though Pacino is playing the devil… that particular description doesn’t sound so devilish at all… Sounds pretty logical to me! And I don’t have much use for those bankrupt, irrelevant concepts known as ‘god’ and ‘devil’….

Update: OK.. I finished watching the movie since I originally posted this message.

Twan’s quick capsule review:

“Piece of Shit!”

But that doesn’t diminish the quoted text above. That much is golden!

Artistic Vandalism Well-Received By Affected Artists

Creative Vandalism : Burning Man Art in the City

This might be old news to some, but it’s new news to me: Have a look at what an enterprising vandal (with big balls!) did to the large scale sculpture made by married artists Dan das Mann and Karen Cusolito.

Dan and Karen had constructed the large sculpture to be displayed at the Burning Man Festival in 2005, where it was very well received, as their excellent works of art always are.

Passage by Dan das Mann and Karen Cusolito

Through the efforts of the non-profit arm of Black Rock City, LLC (the corporation that produces Burning Man), The Black Rock Arts Foundation (BRAF), this work of art, known as “Passage”, has found a home within the city, which is one of the functions of BRAF:

The mission of the Black Rock Arts Foundation is to support and promote community-based interactive art. For our purposes, interactive art means art that generates social participation. The process whereby this art is created, the means by which it is displayed and the character of the work itself should inspire immediate actions that connect people to one another in a larger communal context.

BRAF Mission Statement

So, last year while the many thousands of Burning Man participants were out at Black Rock City enjoying themselves in whatever manner they saw fit, some folks stayed behind and welded some additions to Passage in the city. Here’s an image to give you a little idea of what went down:

Passage of the bong???

Please go to the San Francisco Metroblog, which is where I found this story, for more images and some very enlightening and hilarious commentary by the person who posted it, Violet Blue.

In particular, the comments are insightful as they are hilarious:

“Knowing Dan and Karen, who have a pretty good sense of humor, they would probably not be too upset about this, since it appears that there was no major damage done to the sculpture and the alterations can be easily removed.”

Scott Beale from Laughing Squid

“the bong has been stolen.

Violet Blue

“What’s a bong?”

James Barff

Artist Dan das Mann left a comment in very good spirits, as can be expected. The prank was a good one, in this prankster’s opinion…

“Thanks for the interesting addition to the sculpture. Karen and I found it humorous. We appreciate the careful fabrication work required to create and install mom’s pipe and are touched that someone felt so compelled to be a part of the sculpture making process in our absence. We could definitely use your fabrication skills on future projects. Give us a call and keep up the good work!”

Dan das Mann

Apr 18, 2007

Jennifer Steele on Howard Stern Sirius Satellite Radio Show

Porn, Pyro, Performer: Jennifer Steele

I’m sitting here right now, 1700 miles away from my home in Los Angeles, visiting my sister and brother-in-law at their lovely home in Hot Springs Arkansas… When all of a sudden the name Jennifer Steele cuts thru the airwaves.

Jennifer Steele featured on Howard Stern’s Sirius Satellite Show

As I’m working away on my computer, I’ve got the Howard Stern Sirius Satellite Radio show streaming through my speakers. Howard mentions that adult film actress Jennifer Steele will be on today’s show…. And my little mind starts roaming… “Jeez, that sounds familiar”. “Do I know Jennifer Steele?”. “If so, how so?”…

Then it dawns on me: I may or may not have actually met her, but I do know that she and I have communicated thru the Burning Man community, and she is on some of my email lists…. I recalled that I had at one time or another visited her website and been impressed with the way she handled the art of pyromania: She’s an exemplary fire artist, not to mention and awesomely erotic fire performer. Downright nasty even! You go, girl!

So I checked my bookmarks, and sure enough, there was Jennifer Steele’s Web site… except now it’s a blog.

Jennifer Steele???s Blog Logo

So here I am in Hot Springs, getting reacquainted with Ms. Steele, listening to her very fun and outrageous stint on Howard Stern’s show. Since this is a family website, I have to refrain from describing what went down, but you can visit Howard’s site for photos and to get the rundown from Jennifer’s performance (from April 18, 2007). Great, very fun stuff!

John Perry Barlow “Interviewed” by Steven Colbert (The Colbert Report)

(Update: You can now view a 5 minute video of John Perry Barlow’s “interview” on the Steven Colbert show.)

I just got notice that a fine freakish friend of mine will be on the dumb television tonight. Fellow Burner John Perry Barlow has worn many hats. Most likely best known as one of the chief songwriters for the Grateful Dead for over two decades, he’s also one of the founders of the vital, important, and necessary EFF, the Electronic Frontier Foundation, which is effectively a watchdog against government incursions into the internet in regards to censorship, privacy, and 1st Ammendment issues. Rather than explain, just visit the EFF website…. and donate money! I do as much and as often as I can (being an internet addict and all…)

Here’s a picture of Barlow and I in July 2006 at a Barlowfrendzie in Malibu, photgraphed by the lovely and talented Shiho, baby!:

John Perry Barlow and the notorious Twan


Tonight, as is detailed below, Barlow will be on the Colbert Report facing off with Steven Colbert. This should prove to be a bit of fun.


JP Barlow wrote:

Since I don’t watch television – not even the “good” stuff – I’d never heard of Steven Colbert until he soared into my consciousness with what I think was the bravest act of humor since Jonathan Swift wrote “A Modest Proposal.” (In this essay, Swift, a compassionate Englishman, suggested that the Irish might address this famine bother they were experiencing by eating a few of their own children, of which most of them had in rather greater abundance than potatoes.)

I refer to Mr. Colbert’s astonishing address to the White House Press Corps (most of them too scared to laugh) during their annual dinner last April 29. If Congress conferred medals for courage in the service of dark laughter – which, although it’s a good idea, the current Democrat-controlled Congress is even *less* likely to do – they’d have no choice but to give Steven Colbert the Congressional Medal of Humor with oak leaves and clusters.

I mean this guy eats dinner seated between George and Laura Bush and then gets up to the podium and compares the Bush administration to the Hindenberg! (If you haven’t seen it before, I strongly recommend that you watch this video. If you do, observe the weird displacement of The Decider’s head in relation to his body over the course of the address. I didn’t know cervical vertebrae could do that.)

Anyway, this speech made me a devout Steven Colbert fan. He didn’t convince me to start watching television, but he did convince me that if I were to watch television, it would be mostly so I could watch him and his kind (if he has one).

Turns out my next opportunity to watch him will be at close range. He is interviewing me on his show tonight.

I think it will air at around 11:30 pm in a lot of places, but I really have no idea when it might be on in your area. Those of you who still navigate The Vast Wasteland probably know how to find it. If you don’t watch enough television to have developed such tracking skills, don’t start now on my account. It’s not worth the risk. You can maybe catch it later on YouTube.

With any luck, it will be worth catching. I don’t know what he wants to talk with me about. (Though I kind of doubt that he wants to talk about EFF’s recent legal intervention when The Colbert Report was trying to get a MoveOn parody of the show stricken from YouTube.)

When I asked about the topic, the staffer said, “everything.” Ah, television. An environment where they think you can cover EVERYTHING inside of six minutes. Describe the Universe. Give two examples. Break for a commercial.

We won’t accomplish such a feat as that, but it could be pretty good anyway. For one thing, you ironists ought to enjoy the sight of someone who looks, talks, and behaves like a Republican, but isn’t, interviewing someone who fits none of the contemporary Republican stereotypes, but is.

I tried being a Democrat for a year. Hated it. I traded my sense of humor for sanctimony and gutless indignation. I was nearly overcome with impulses to save people from themselves, using force if necessary. I found myself becoming hysterical, brittle, and cowardly.

I am not a comfortable Republican – and I’m no Republican at all if George W. Bush is to be the measure of the GOP’s beliefs from this point forward, but I do have balls. So I ended up switching back. I may be the last Republican who believes that the party stands for limited government, personal freedom, prudent fiscal policies, genuinely free markets, and a deep wariness of foreign military adventures. Just as I didn’t flee my country when I saw it being taken over by religious zealots, plutocrats, fratboy incompetents and make-believe soldiers, I won’t flee my party on the same grounds either. (Though I’m starting to think that there is a grand new party waiting to be born in the space vacated by these latter-day Republicans.)

I strongly suspect that when Mr. Colbert is just kicking around the house, his ideology and cultural style differs from what his persona projects on-screen. Nevertheless, I have decided to take him at face value and contest him as I would his “mentor” Bill O’Reilly. In fact, I will take him on as the very sort of pious, closeted gay fascist who decided to become active in the GOP when he learned that poor people and weirdos could actually vote and that the Episcopalian church didn’t field political candidates. I have even prepared a defense of wild, marauding bears. So it should be fun.

Anyway, I probably won’t see you tonight, but you stand a good chance of seeing me.



Satire: White House Addresses Libby Verdict

The White House .org

presents a

George W. Bush and Scooter Libby Production

Leaking Secrets

America’s Drug War & Ninja Bachelor Party Screenings

You’re invited to a double feature of

“America’s Drug War”


“Ninja Bachelor Party”

At the DRUID film Festival in Los Angeles CA.


American Drug War flyer


Sacred Cow Productions

Anyone who knows me is very familiar with the fact that I’m a huge fan of the late great, prophet, comedian, social commentarian Bill Hicks. No one has come close to the kind of truth and brutal honesty that Bill Hicks laid out on a day to day basis. Bill was a uniquely hilarious and gifted individual. In fact, I feel that one of my jobs in life is to Spread the Word of Bill. In that mission, I have remained true.

The filmmaker of the above featured film America’s Drug War is Kevin Booth, Bill’s best friend from childhood, and one of his business partners up until Bill’s unlikely and untimely death in 1994 at the young age of 32 (he died of pancreatic cancer). In fact, we just had the 13th anniversary of his passing on February 26th. It should be a national holiday. It is for me, anyway. Celebrate Bill’s life accordingly.

In any case, I hope you can make it to the screenings. It should be a hoot, and it’ll be good to give Kevin all the support I’m sure he could use! Plus, half of all the proceeds will be donated to “The Bill Hicks Foundation for Wild Life” (I love THAT play on words!)

Many thanx,


P.S. Click on the flier above to go to a great interview with Kevin Booth on Ain’t It Cool News. It’s a really good read.





Sam Ash Music


Playa Dust Web Ring Playa Dust Web Ring

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